Hi Mom-

I thought I would use this forum to send you notes every so often since I know that you will receive them.  Kind of like the bright blue balloons we set free for you at your memorial with all of our sharpuie notes on them.  That was cool that you talked to me in my dreams and told me you got the balloon notes!!!  Not quite as good as coffee time together but hey..... we've always managed to make do right?  What was it that you used to  tell me "necessity was real mother" ... or something like that.

Daddy is doing fine but I worry about him.  Seems like without you he is less patient, less willing to compromise and much harder.  I fear that he is going to drive a huge wedge between Mike and him that may never be repaired.  Heck, you know that I'm not the peace maker but that is the role I've been having toplay and I'm so not good at this!!!  He and I have had family hour a couple times where I've told him that I love him but that right at that moment I don't like him at all and that I was really worried about what his intentions were to keep this family whole.  I guess that made sense to him because the next day he changed his tune slightly and now tells me that he's had time to think about stuff.  He's a hard man, mom... I'm not sure how you did it for 48 years!!!

Mike is doing okay -- I still think he feels guilty about not making time in his life to spend with you and dad and his kids altogether. There are days when he is really hard to reach and Naomi says that when she talks to katie, katie says that Mike is crying alot.  I know the healing is going to take time and I promise to keep in touch with him even when he tries to shut me out!  You know what a pest I can be! LOL!!

The good news here is that the house deal for Dale and me is finally happening.  We were able to get the lot model for 8K less than one that we would order and the changes that we had originally wanted were so minimal from the lot model that this will work great!!!  We have made an offer on a piece of land about 6 bloks from the rental trailer we first moved in to and the lot is just over a quarter acre.  This will give lots of backyard for the hounds!!!  I can hardly wait until the day that I don't have to make 5 trips to the Mystic Poop Spot for Bubba, Go-Go and Zoom! 

I did give in a bit with Dale.  He REALLY wants his "MAN CAVE" (affectionatley known by most as a garage) and his ideal was 32' x 32'  so I told him to go for it IF we can build an extra deck off the back door and put in a hot tub within the next two years.   We are planning that this will be a long term home for both of us. 

I gotta tell you mom that Dale has been so supportive and kind helping me deal with all of this that it's just freaky.  Oh.... you'll laugh at this.....at the memorial service, Gordon read your obit and announced to everyone that Dale was myhusband!  We both looked at each other with that deer in the headlights look and it got quite a snicker from the friends and neighbors who knew us well... We are still getting teased about it!

Dad wants me to finish that wall hanging you started for Mike and Kate, and to complete your other craft projects so thats what I'm going to start to do tonight at Stitch - n- Bitch!  I'll keep you posted on the outcomes.

Know that I miss you every day!!!!

Love forever, your daughter,
Debi

I spoke to my dad this morning for about 35 minutes.  My mom passes away about 4weeks ago and I try to check in on him every couple days -- enough so that he knows I care without being too smothering.

I've never really had that close of a relationship with my dad - I mean, Ilove him, but I wouldn't really consider him a friend  and now we are trying to bridge that gap. SO I thnk today was a good conversation and yes I feel positive about the depth we are reaching.  I firmly believe that it is just a matter of time for us to change  the roles of Father/protector to Daughter into related friends.

Thanks!
Debi

Home is a place (a building or city), a sense of security, a feeling of love and acceptance, and a level of comfort. 

Home for some is the place where they spent the majority of their lives but not for me -- I've moved too many times. 

Home is where there is comfort, love, acceptance, and where I can relax in jammas without make-up....

I really value my private  and quiet time but I don't conside myself steeped in privacy.  If someone asks me a question like how I feel, what I thnk, what I believe - I'll answer them.  I respect others right to privacy and understand that not everyone is as open or ready to share with me.....

Avoiding Negative Vibrations
Taking on the Energy of Others

There are times when you may find that being around certain individuals or groups of people leaves you with feelings of discomfort. It may be that spending time with a particular friend feels draining or that dealing with a specific coworker exhausts you. Being around toxic or angry people is also draining. And you may even find that being surrounded by a crowd of people lowers your energy levels rather than perks you up. This is not that unusual. Each of us radiates energy and is capable of being influenced by the energy of other people. It is important to learn how to shield yourself, so you don't unknowingly take on someone else's energy. While some people know how to instinctively protect themselves from being adversely affected by energy, most of us need to discover and practice the technique that works best.

There are a number of ways to avoid being affected by people's energy. Shielding is one preventative technique you can use. Center yourself and envision being enveloped in a cocoon of loving and protective light. This protective layer should allow you to consciously regulate the energy around you. The intent to shield oneself is all you need for this technique to work. You can even create a trigger word to assist you in quickly creating a shield. Say this word each time you create a new shield, until the word and the shield become automatically associated in your mind. If you run into a person whose energy you find draining, you may want to cleanse your own energy field after your encounter. Sage, cold showers, singing, mineral water baths, spending time in nature, and a simple break to recharge are all ways to accomplish this.

While it is important to know how to shield yourself from energy, there are those energies that you may not want to shut out. The energy of laughter from a newborn baby, the feeling of joy radiating from someone in love, and the frequency of calm emanating from an enlightened teacher are just some of the energies coming from others that you may want to have around you.

What do you think?

Resisting the Urge to Control
Imposing Your Will On Others

The right to make your own choices is a precious one. We grow when we have the freedom to decide our own paths and determine what makes us happy. Yet there are those who are inclined to try and control others. They may be driven by insecurity, envy, fear, or the need for power. These people are deeply critical of themselves in their own minds, and underlying that critical nature is unhappiness. Their need to feel sure-footed and secure is quenched by controlling those around them, whether they are friends, colleagues, or even pets. However, nearly everyone has found themselves imposing their will upon others at one time or another.

Trying to impose your will on others can be tempting for many reasons. You may feel that your way is the best way or that you have a keener insight into the direction their life should be taking. But, in imposing your will, you are indirectly saying, "I want to control you." Even when you have the best of intentions, others may end up resenting you for your actions. It is always helpful to remember that it is possible to influence people and change their behavior through education or example without imposing your will on them.

If you've caught yourself being a bit bossy on a regular basis, make a note of it. Write down what the situation was and why you acted the way you did. You may have pushed a friend to try something new, because deep inside you wanted to try it yourself but were feeling hesitant. Or you may be unjustly interfering with work teammates, because you aren't sure of their abilities. Next, make an effort to understand and accept their preferences and ways of doing things. It can feel natural to impose your will when you feel that you "know best." But there is a freedom to trusting others to find their own methods and joys, even when they might differ from yours. Sometimes the best course of action is to step back and relinquish control. You may, in doing so, see everything from a different point of view.

What do you thnk?

The obvious answer is opposable thumbs!

But if you want to get deeper, I believe that what makes us human is the strength and depth of our emotions and the emotional attachment we make to things/entities that are precious to us.   As humans we care deeply, love freely, are inspired by passions, we think, we cry, we laugh, we grieve, we shut off as much as we can, and we can do all of this in a single day.  We are an amazing creation!

People often tell me that one person cannot change the world and I just cannot seem to believe that. One person CAN make a HUGE impact on the world over time... I may not live to see that change but I firmly believe that it will happen. Be the stone that makes the ripples in the pond. My heart breaks a little when others don't understand the inherent power and influence that they can wield for good in this world -- it's really heartbreaking! If you ever doubt that you can change the world I suggest watching the film “Pay it Forward”… It is in our nature that as humans, we are essentially good and we want to share that with others.

I still remember the Gettsyburg Address, the inscription on the Statue of Liberty, MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech, and lots of other "historical" information because I put it to music and as long as I can remember the tune, I can remember the words. I find that I know lots of songs by heart even though I haven't heard them in 25+ years... Again, its the music thing. The only book I know by heart is "I had trouble in getting to Solla Sollew" by Dr. Suess - did that for an Oral Interpretation Contest when I was in High School and took it all the way to third in the state. Rhymes are much like music.... I can also recite most of the movie Casablanca -- just because I've seen it like 11,000 times (grin). Esoterically, I know when someone loves and cares about me -- my heart feels it but that isn't usually what people mean when they use the phrase "know by heart".....

At my grandmothers knee.  She was an Irish "herb woman" and everyone in the neighborhood came to her to get tinctures and teas to feel better.

As the years progressed, I asked questions and continued on this path of caring, healing and understanding.  In the process I have met many wonderful authentic people who have helped me understand my path better.

Pride.....

We don't want anyone to pity us and many of us are far too proud to accept charity.  Additionally, sorrow can be an intensely personal thing and few feel comfortable enough with the world in general to share this depth of emotion..

Personally, I hate to cry since it makes my skin blotchy, my eyes swollen and red and mascara streaks running down my face, my nose bright red and gives me a headache....So I try to avoid sharing a sorrowful time with others...

I've found friends that I didn't know about in my new location.  I've found the inner strenght to adapt and flex and compromise and change simply because you have to.  I've discovered that with a move you can still keep all of the really special people in your life close (via phones or internet) and you get a "start over" button to build new friendships based on what you've learned previously (including the mistakes you've made before).  New is fun and challenging.  I lived in small cabins and big ranches, Vistorian ladies, mobile homes, and duplexes and every move means I get rid of the clutter, and have an opportunity to show off the artwork in a new place -- sort of like a roving gallery.  I guess it's the gypsy in my soul that loves the changes.....